


Boy’s Night In

by YumeArashi



Category: Matantei Loki Ragnarok | Mythical Detective Loki Ragnarok
Genre: Crack, Drinking Games, Drunkenness, Embarrassment, Humor, I've never, tmi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-20
Updated: 2013-01-20
Packaged: 2017-11-26 04:33:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/646606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YumeArashi/pseuds/YumeArashi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What would happen if certain members of the Loki cast ended up playing the drinking game 'I've never'?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boy’s Night In

**Author's Note:**

> References to cross-dressing, orgies, horse-on-horse sex, BDSM and other (mostly mythology-canon) shenanigans. All characters are in adult form, for no other reason than that this is silly fluff. Also, these characters are gods (or really kick-ass supernatural beings), so they don’t have to worry about the alcohol poisoning that you or I would get downing ten shots in that little time. So don’t try this at home, kids, unless you want your stomach pumped. Co-written with E.N.

“I still don’t see why I had to come along.  Just because you’re in a social mood doesn’t mean you have to go dragging me all over the place.”  Heimdall glared first at Freyr, then at his host.

“And let me bid you a warm welcome, friend.”  Loki returned dryly.

“Come on, you guys, no arguing.  We’re all here, we might as well have a good time,” Narugami smiled.

Heimdall glared at the amiable thunder god, but didn’t argue.

“That’s right, that’s why we came, after all.  Now, who wants to play a game?”  Freyr asked cheerfully.

“A game?  Aren’t we a little old for that?”

Narugami ignored the watcher god’s sarcastic question.  “I heard some people at school talking about a game called ‘I’ve never’, we could play that.”

At the mention of the game, Loki stiffened noticeably.  “No, that’s not a particularly interesting game.  How about a game of cards instead - poker, maybe?”

Heimdall’s visible eye narrowed.  “You seem to be familiar with the game - something about it you don’t much like?”

Narugami frowned and looked puzzled.  “Well, it’s a drinking game, but I’ve never known Loki to have a problem with that.”

Freyr blinked.  “What sort of drinking game?”

“Well, as I understood it, you go around in a circle and each person says something they’ve never done before.  And if anyone else in the circle has done that thing, then they have to drink.”

Heimdall laughed.  “Ah, no wonder Loki wants to play something else.  He knows he’d be flat drunk in two rounds.”

Loki glared at the grinning guardian.  “That’s not true!”

“Oh?  Then let’s get started.  Unless you’d rather try to weasel out of playing, that is.”

“No, I’m in.”  Loki scowled at the other god, but couldn’t help feeling he’d regret this later.  “Though I might mention that the point of the game is to try to get as many of the other people in the circle to drink as you can, not to just target one person.”

Heimdall smirked.  “Naturally.  But that’s ok - anything that’s going to make someone else have to drink will surely get you too.”

“Don’t worry, Loki-sama,”  Yamino, who had been quietly watching up until this point.  “If I play, then I can target Heimdall if he targets you.”

The watcher god glared at Loki’s son.  “Who asked you to play?”

Narugami, however, cheered.  “All right, four-eyes!  It’s the five of us then!  I’ll start, since this was my idea.”

“Ah, one moment, Narugami-san.  Let me serve a round for everyone, so we can be ready first.”

After a brief moment of bickering over what kind of alcohol to use (vodka won), they were ready to begin.

“Ok, I’ve never...uh...I’ve never...”

Heimdall rolled his eyes, and Loki hid a snicker.  “Narukami-kun, you wanted to be first for what reason?”

“’Cause it’s my game!  Anyway, I’ve never had Freya hit on me.”

Loki grimaced and took a drink.  “Thank you for reminding me.  And you’re supposed to try and get lots of people, remember?”

“You were laughing.  Freyr?”

“I’ve never gone on a date with my Yamato Nadeshiko.”

The entire room sweatdropped. 

“Does anyone know how to play this game properly?”  Heimdall asked. 

“I’m sure you’re about to give us a proper demonstration.”  Loki muttered.

“Of course.  I’ve never tried to get a girl to go out with me.”

A collective groan ensued as Loki, Freyr, and Narugami all took a drink.

“Ah, I understand the game.”  Yamino decided that since Heimdall had not directly aimed the question at his beloved father, there was no need for retaliation.  Yet.  “I’ve never kissed a girl.”

“...He’s going to be dangerous, isn’t he?”  Narugami grumbled as he and the rest of the room took their drinks.

Yamino smiled complacently.  “When you’ve spent most of your life at the bottom of the ocean, there’s a lot you’ve never done.”

“And that makes it my turn.  Let’s see...”

Heimdall snickered.  “Having trouble coming up with something you haven’t actually done, Loki?”

Loki glared.  “No, just trying to think of something that will get you.”

Heimdall grinned.  “Good luck.”

Loki smiled wickedly.  “All right, then - I’ve never kissed Mayura.”

The watcher god growled at his rival.  “I hate you, Loki.”

Freyr stared disbelieving as Heimdall took his drink.  “You kissed my Yamato Nadeshiko?  Heimdall, how could you?”

“Freyr, shut up.  Narugami, it’s your turn again.”

“Ok, then!”  He grinned at Loki, “I’ve never slept with one of the Norns.”

Yamino yelped, Heimdall choked, and Freyr just looked puzzled.

“That is way more information than I needed, thank you.”  The guardian god looked disgusted as Loki scowled and drank.  “Just don’t tell me which one it was.”

“It’s my turn now, right?”  At the group nodded, Freyr considered a moment, then announced, “I’ve never asked for the hand of my Yamato Nadeshiko.”

There was a brief bewildered pause, then the game moved on.  “I’ve never dressed in women’s clothes,” Heimdall smirked.

Narugami glared as he and Loki took drinks.  “It was your idea, you little weasel!”

“Of course.  Why do you think I chose it?  Yamino, your turn.”

“All right.  I’ve never tried to kill Loki-sama.”

“You’re right, he is dangerous,” Heimdall commented as everyone but Loki reached for a glass.  “We may have to start ganging up on him.”

“Not a bad idea.  I’ll peg the four-eyes next round, ok?”

“Got it.”

Yamino looked somewhat alarmed.  “Now then, is that allowed?”

Loki smiled sympathetically “’Fraid so, Yamino-kun.”  Clearly, he was already showing the effects of his five drinks.  “Now, for my turn...”  The trickster god grinned cheerfully at Heimdall.  “I’ve never talked baby-talk to a bird.”

Heimdall glared murderously, or as murderously as he could while consuming his fourth drink.  “You’re all witnesses, I am not the one that started this.  Loki, you are going down in flames this round.”

“Yeah, yeah...”

“All right, my turn!  I’ve never spent 2500 yen on a mail-order chicken hat.”

“Mou, I thought we weren’t supposed to be targeting specific people.”

“Too bad, four-eyes.  Drink up.  Freyr, your turn.”

“I’ve never shared a loving embrace with my Yamato Nadeshiko.”

There were a few rolled eyes, but by now the group had realized that Freyr did not quite have a grasp on the game, and probably never would.

“Heimdall?”

The watcher god smirked at his rival, none too steadily.  “I’ve never gotten screwed by a horse.”

“Loki-sama?”  Yamino stared with undisguised horror at his father, who looked annoyed as he took his drink.

“I was a horse myself at the time, it’s not that bad.”

Narugami snickered.  “Oh, and that makes it all ok, right?”

“Narukami-kun, you’re asking for it this round.”

The thunder god grinned.  “Bring it on.”  Clearly, his four drinks were not helping his judgment.

Yamino cleared his throat.  “I’ve never been dragged by Freyr all over town to help with the shopping.”

Heimdall sulked, but took his drink.  “I’ll get you both next round, just wait...”

Meanwhile, Loki grinned angelically at his friend.  “I’ve never dressed up in an anteater suit.”

“Hey, that was for work!”

“Doesn’t matter, you still have to drink.”

“Fine.  But so do you, because I’ve never had sex with five different people at once.”

Loki grimaced and drank, trying to ignore yet another appalled look that his son was giving him.  Freyr looked tipsily intrigued.  “Six people?  I wonder how that works...”

Heimdall turned pale.  “Well, I don’t, so don’t ask.  Anyhow, it’s your turn.”

“Oh.   Um...I’ve never kissed my Yamato Nadeshiko.”

The guardian god growled at his housemate.  “Someone already said that, you peabrained excuse for a deity.”

Loki grinned.  “Doesn’t matter, you still have to drink.  Rules say so.”

“You’re lying, the rules can’t possibly allow the same question to be asked twice!”

The trickster god smirked.  “If you can prove me wrong, I’ll make him ask something else.”

The violet-haired deity snarled and took his drink.  “I’ve never put up with Mayura whining after me all over the place.”

Yamino smiled as he and Loki took their drinks.  “Well, I’ve never been scared away by my own personality.”

Heimdall, who had learned the details of what he called the ‘chameleon-Loki incident’, flushed bright red, but reached for his glass without comment.

Loki smiled at his son.  It was good to have someone else exacting his retaliation, since that left him free to pick on...  “Narukami-kun, do you take back what you said earlier, or do you want to get nailed again?”

Narugami smiled recklessly.  “Do your worst.  I bet a month’s worth of meals that I can top whatever you have.  The others can judge.”

The trickster god raised an eyebrow.  “All right, then, you asked for it.  Let’s see...”  Now, on any other occasion, Loki would have had no trouble coming up with at least half a dozen incredibly humiliating episodes, but by this point he’d had eight drinks, and his memory was hardly clear.  Despite knowing that he was probably about to lose, the best he could manage was, “I’ve never run full-tilt into a goalpost.”

Narugami didn’t even bother being embarrassed as he threw back a drink.  “And I’ve never been tied up and whipped during sex.  So I win.”

“...Yes, I’d say he does.” Freyr mused, a little vaguely.  Yamino handed Loki a drink, wondering if he’d ever be able to look his father in the eye again.  Heimdall just shook his head repeatedly, as if he was trying to physically dislodge unwanted mental images.

Loki conceded his defeat gracefully. “Fair enough, you get the food.  Freyr?”

Apparently, the fertility god was feeling the effects of his own drinks.   “I’ve never taken the fair Yamato Nadeshiko to my bed.”

“ARGH!”  A collective pained howl went up.

“And if you ever do, for Frigg’s sake don’t tell the rest of us about it!”  Heimdall growled.

Loki had covered his face with his hands and was moaning softly, “So wrong, so wrong...”

“Anyhow, moving on...”  Heimdall grinned at Loki.  “I’ve never kissed a man.”

“All right, that’s it!”  Loki tossed back his drink, slammed down the glass, and stalked over to administer a very thorough kiss to the shocked guardian god.  “There,” he said smugly, if a little breathlessly.  “Now you have to pick something else.”

After a stunned silence, Yamino hesitantly said, “Um...but it was true when he said it, so that still counts, right?”

Narugami nodded sagely.  “Besides, I don’t think you could really say he kissed Loki, it was more Loki kissing him.  So I’d say it stands.”  He nervously eyed the still-dazed watcher god.  “Anyhow, I’m thinking it’d be best to move on before he snaps out of it.  Four-eyes, your turn.”

“All right...I’ve never been fired from a part-time job twice in one week.”

“Hey!”

Yamino smiled innocently.  “Too bad, Narugami-san.  Drink up.”

The thunder god growled, but did so.  “Loki, your turn.  And I’m thinking we’d better call this the last round.”  He eyed his inebriated friend with some anxiety.

“Ok!  I’ve never been confused by a kiss.”  He eyed the room with surprising clarity, hiding a smile when Heimdall took a drink, despite the watcher god’s ‘I-dare-you-to-ask’ expression.

“....Uh, Heimdall...”

The watcher god glared blearily.  “S’none of your damned business, and it never will be,” and promptly passed out cold.

Loki yawned.  “You know, that looks like a good idea.”  He put his head down on his folded arms and followed suit.

Yamino, Freyr, and Narugami looked at one another, then at the unconscious gods.

Freyr shook his head.  “Now, how am I supposed to get him home when he’s fallen-down drunk?  I don’t have the coordination right now to balance an unconscious body on Guillinbrusti’s back all the way home.”

Narugami snorted.  “Do you ever?”

“We should probably just put them to bed, then.”  Yamino sighed.  “I really don’t want to make up a guest room right now, but we don’t have one ready.”

Narugami grinned suddenly.  “Oh, don’t worry about that, I have an idea....”

*****

The next morning, Yamino was awakened rudely by sudden, though not unexpected, yelling coming from Loki’s room.  He yawned and stuffed a pillow over his ears.  _Ah, it seems they’ve woken._   He supposed he should feel bad about putting his father and Heimdall in the same bed, but he really had been too tired to do a decent job with a guest room, and it had been so cute when they’d cuddled up together... 

The shouting stopped abruptly, and Yamino rolled over to fall back asleep, trying very hard not to think about exactly how Loki had just gotten Heimdall to be quiet.


End file.
